Maturity in dating

Back in February I went on 2 dates with a woman. Everything seemed to be going very well. However, in the end she explained she was disappointed because while I check all the boxes for what she is looking for in a potential long term relationship, she expected a much stronger connection.

I won’t go into too much detail of what we exchanged. She began the conversation very wishy-washy on her desire to see one another again. Despite seemingly against my best interests, I related to her the law of fuck yes when it comes to relationships. I explained to her the important part is to ask the right question at the right time. We’re both in our mid-30s and as she said, she doesn’t have the luxury to pursue something she isn’t 100% sure. I explained to her that I felt our relationship had a lot of potential but it usually takes me some time before coming to a conclusion whether it will work or not. To me, the question was “Do I like this person? Do I see potential? Am I attracted to her?” and the answer was a definite yes. Questions like “do I see myself getting married to her?” are still premature for me but as a man I have a bit more leeway (we both want children eventually) and I don’t have the same amount of experience as many people my age.

After some further back and forth on the topic, she told me she was surprised at how mature I was throughout the process and resolved that we could go see a movie together as friends at the Fantasia film festival this summer. To which I agreed. It was her surprise at my maturity that inspired the topic of this blog post.

She had several very poor experiences breaking up and refusing to continue to pursue dating men which certainly influences her statement. Again, I won’t comment further on that, but rather than take it as a backhanded compliment I view it as a matter of pride. When I first started dating, I felt frustrated at my lack of establishing this fabled “connection” every woman I met described. It was the realization going into something with a partner who was already having doubts would potentially lead to a less than fulfilling romantic relationship. I told her she didn’t owe me anything but implied she owed it to herself to make the right decision for her. I would rather see her happy than to have to feel the need to make an effort to make me happy. I want to be with a woman who wants to be with me wholeheartedly (of course the feeling has to be mutual).

While I was disappointed things didn’t work out, I made a friend out of the experience and learned several things in our two dates. I’m also disappointed it comes as a surprise to others when myself or a man in general takes rejection with maturity. It speaks volumes of how hard the dating scene can be. My resolution is if the next woman isn’t “Ms Right” to continue to be a positive example for my gender.

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