10 and counting

So I recently started dating again after the end of my last relationship. Things started on the right foot with a couple of first dates here and there. We didn’t establish good enough chemistry to pursue the relationship further but I did feel less anxious about proceedings and being more comfortable in the context. And then a streak-slump hit.

I’ve had 10 first dates in a row cancel at the last minute or plain stood me up. This was then followed by the ghosting treatment from all but a single exception. I’m not quite sure what to make of it. Now, I understand if they didn’t want to see each other again after a first date, but this is just strange behaviour. Nine out of the 10 were women I encountered over Tinder. So I’m curious if this is a “thing” common with the dating community that started sometime in December to February or limited to users of this app. Full disclaimer here, I don’t “DTF” or look for casual sex. The dates were all with women with the expressed mutual intent of finding a potential long term relationship partner.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand it’s a rejection but doesn’t carry the sting following an actual date. I can rationalize it away in thinking “her loss” or “if she acts like this, I’m better off”. A sentiment others have expressed to me when I answer questions about my romantic life. On the other, this is a trend and a big waste of time on my part and to the women in question.  It’s becoming a running gag of mine to make myself laugh at the situation. To my friends who aren’t dating, it is validation for their “bachelor 4 life” attitude. Those in couples view it as a scare tactic to stay together and not go back to dating. Either way, it’s very demotivating but you got to dust yourself off and try again.

 

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4 thoughts on “10 and counting”

  1. In around 80~ online dates I’ve only had 3-4 cancel last minute. The last one did it in mid December. Weeks later when going through old messages I found the one where she gave me her number, for kicks I searched it on Facebook and there she was and had just entered into a “relationship” with a guy a few days after Christmas – so she had already been out with him before cancelling on me. 10 in a row means you are doing something wrong after she agrees to the date – “talking her right out of liking you”. Once the date is set put the phone down and pick up the conversation during the date, face to face. Then keep the phone down for a couple days after before asking her out again – you want to stay a bit of a mystery and make her miss you.

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    1. Once scheduled, I usually contact the woman the day before or the day of the date to confirm whether we were still on. Only on 1 occasion in that stretch did we speak further.

      However, I’m not the kind to enjoy playing “games”. When I’m interested, I state it plainly.

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      1. I hear you but they don’t see it that way – they see it as “you haven’t even met me, how would you know if you like me or not?”. Its seen as needy behavior – the biggest female repellent out there.

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