Dating détente

It’s been a while since my last blog post about dating. Since that post, I’ve dated three separate women. None simultaneously obviously. I am of the mind if you want a relationship to work, you need to put your full commitment into getting to know a person and developing chemistry. Even from the initial stages. As the title implies, things never worked out as I had hoped.

The first was going very well until she learned I was a Boston Bruins fan. Now, living in Montreal this can certainly be problematic as the rivalry with the home team can be raucous at times. Now, I’d have to be pretty anal to make that a deal breaker. Not to mention short-sighted seeing as I am certainly in the minority in the city. She called it off after the fourth date (when she learned I was a Bruins fan) stating she felt it wouldn’t work long term. Obviously, my rooting interest in hockey wasn’t the only factor but it certainly played a role. Online dating offers subscribers a virtual catalog of potential suitors. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of looking for alternatives as soon as you discover something that doesn’t suit you perfectly. Que sera, sera.

I went on eight dates with the second woman. Unlike the first, this woman was a die hard Habs fan (the previous was more a casual fan). However, she did not have any issues with this and in fact invited me to a pre-season game. Hawks won 5-1! Again, things were progressing well. However, I could sense a certain discomfort from her body language. She explained she was a very nervous person in general and had seen a psychologist about it to no avail. In response, I didn’t want to make her feel pressured or awkward and so I took things slow. Eventually she texted me the day of what was to be our ninth date informing me she didn’t feel enough of a connection after so many dates.

The third was a woman who works in the same field as I and we share some tangential interests. The conversation was pleasant but I called it off after two dates. She had asked if I saw potential long term. I never felt any romantic spark. It usually takes me longer to reach that conclusion as you never quite know someone after two brief dates. Of course, there are the times you know fairly early. So I decided I rather gain a friend than just another “failed” connection.

What spurred the subject of this blog post was the most recent communication I’ve been contacted over. Now, perhaps I have developed a more discerning eye or maybe I’m too picky. In the back and forth exchange over mail I can foresee a strong possibility this won’t work. I’ve asked her in two different ways about her interests or passions and both times she downplayed these or relegated them to the mundane. This doesn’t fan the flames of excitement or generate much interest. I am a very rational person, and often described as “the calm one”. I tend to be attracted to women who tend towards the more creative or passionate side of the spectrum. I am reluctant to write “emotional” as there is a negative connotation to the word which implies the person is moody, mercurial or temperamental. Obviously, I’m not looking to be with someone emotionally unstable, but a woman with emotional strength and confidence in expressing herself.

At this point I’ve decided to spend some time focusing on my personal development and taking a “you call me, instead of I call you” approach. Improv has been an uplifting experience so far. While I was reluctant to move on while the majority of my classmates decided to remain in level three, I want to move forward. My goal in the end of all this is to evolve as an individual and perhaps eventually better partner for whomever I do end up meeting.


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